For all of you who have ever thought, or even attempted, to give up.
First off, this is in no way trying to upscale everything that Maddie has just said or for me to put the spotlight on myself. Honestly, I like staying in the background, watching from a distance but staying involved enough to help in any way that I can. What I’m about to say…let’s just say this is going to be the most I’ve ever shared about my personal life, ever, to anyone. Because I really really don’t like people worrying about me but this is the only way Maddie will know how I, and probably many other people, feel/felt as well.
(Warning: There will probably be a lot of random talking but I will do my best to get my point across and hopefully not sound like an idiot.)
Madeline. Sweet, beautiful, loving, kind, caring, compassionate, shmexy, amazing, the list could go on forever. You, my friend, are one of the most selfless, strongest, and bravest person I have ever had the chance of meeting and getting to talk to. Your heart is so warm and opening to help others, it amazes me how people could sit there first on your Sifusparky account and then on your fanfiction account and tear you down like that! It’s not right, the world has sickeningly cruel people, and I’m sorry you’re one of those people that are targeted by anon hate.
Tumblr is a place for people to be themselves, to get things off their chest, to have a sanctuary for when you feel like the world is caving in on your life. Yes, we all agreed when we first made an account that when turning on the anon button, we have to prepare ourselves for any and everything. But some of the shit I’ve seen on Maddie’s and many other of my dear friend’s pages?
It…disgusts me seeing how many ways people can go behind a grey mask and tell someone to end their life or that they aren’t wanted or that their cries for help are pathetic.
You know what hate anons? You’re the pathetic ones. Please, take note of my proper use of the word “you’re”, by all means, we know it’s a hard concept to grasp when sending the vicious, vile things you so cleverly come up with. Having the anon button on is supposed to be fun and allow people, such as myself, who are shy and secretly fangirl over astonishing people such as sifusparky, sugarqueenkatara, theesteemedpolicechief, pinkelastic, ask-kyoshisuki and so many more, to have the freedom to at least express our true feelings and one day build up the courage to take our mouse and click on our URL’s instead of the anon option.
I, personally, haven’t even introduced myself or talked to theesteemedpolicechief or ask-kyoshisuki off of anon but I guess they’ll know now if they read this. I’m not ashamed of anything I’m saying about these fantastic writers who genuinely care about each and every one of their followers and do everything in their power to help those around them. I just wish the people who choose to send such malevolent things to another person could understand just how much reading these things hurts and can push someone over the edge.
Here’s where it gets kind of personal…I understand how close the group of people I have mentioned above are to each other and I’m obviously never going to be worthy enough to consider myself as part of the gang, but these past couple of nights have been so hard on me. That intense and heartbreaking night with pinkelastic when I had no idea what was going on and if she was going to be okay, I was crying my eyes out. Not only that, but every time I see one of these people get hate or aren’t doing good, I’m crying because no matter how much my words may touch them, I can never truly be there to hold them, to let them cry on my shoulder, to tell them how beautiful and marvelous of a human being they are and that if they leave this world, I’ll never be the same. I was freaking out because not only did sifusparky leave her account, that night was suddenly the night when more and more people were suicidal and others were starting to go on hiatus and honestly, I felt like everyone was abandoning me.
It’s selfish, I know, and pathetic. I get that. Even if I don’t always speak up when I’m not doing good, it’s because I personally care more about you guys way more than I will ever care about myself. These past couple nights though have been draining me and just upsetting me to the point of physical exhaustion that I just want all the tears and the worrying to stop.
I love you guys. So much. I used to hide the fact that I watched anime but now I embrace it with open arms. Tumblr, and all the fandoms out there, have shown me to not be afraid of who I am and what I like. To stand up and find people who adore the same things I do and here you all are, being the amazing people that you are.
I apologize for making this post so long, but it feels good to get this off my chest. I also apologize if you feel left out or if I haven’t mentioned you because I don’t like you. That’s bullshit, I care about each and every one of my followers and non-followers. This message started off directed at one person, but it grew into something more and I hope anyone who is ever feeling lonely or like no one would care if they were gone reads this. I’m not expecting the people I’ve mentioned to reply to this but I do hope they read it. I haven’t said all these things for attention or to try and make myself tumblr famous because that will never happen and I am perfectly fine with my status and role in the Tumblr world. I will always be here for everyone, my ask box rarely gets touched anyways so feel free to stop by and say hi or talk to me if you’re overwhelmed so I can help you. I’m just one person who can hardly make a difference, but I’m gonna make damn sure to fight and protect the ones I love until my last breath.
# ooc post # sifusparky # sugarqueenkatara # theesteemedpolicechief # pinkelastic # ask-kyoshisuki # love is my movement # i hope i don't get in trouble for tagging that # longest rant I've ever written
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